tonight i spent time with some high school friends, one of whom is a new mom who opened up her newly-renovated house to us.

she said their dog always knows when the weekends are because he jumps on them in bed.

weekends.

bizarre.

this is how people who aren't involved in a church community live.

weekends are days to look forward to - to sleep in, to go to the park.  to spend time in rest and enjoyment.  to enjoy the company of friends you've chosen at a time in an activity that you want.

it has been a very, very long time, if ever, that i had such a lifestyle.

i have to sleep now.  i am tired from spending a day working on a video to share about my missions trip to india.  tomorrow i have worship service and a meeting to discuss people's commitment and desire to read the bible together.  also, i am helping a friend out with his resume and possibly printing out some india photos at church to display.  are there other things i would rather do with my time?  i don't know.  i have no idea.

church = instant life.  is that how it is supposed to be?

how about christianity = instant life.  what is the purpose of church?  is church actually helping people?

this bubble.

i need to pray for my church and i need to pray for me.

i struggle immensely now, more so than ever, with any boasting or encouraging of luxury expenditures.  i struggled with people referring to shopping for recreation before.  this emotion has intensified greatly now, beyond feeling uncomfortable to loathing and despair.  the greater the pleasure and/or comfort (such as expensive tickets to a ball game), the more people support and cheer it on, the more upset i feel.

i see everything i do as a luxury now.  and i'm very conscious of my lifestyle - i have not done anything extra so far because of this.

i don't think people understand it.  it doesn't mean anything to them when i tell them how much this money is worth - and how much i believe we are responsible for its use when so many of God's people are in need.  they hear me but it does not convict them.  we have no idea, still.  i don't know what to do.  Lord, i don't know how to show them. :'(

Lord, i don't know what to do.

in terms of leadership, i realize that i follow the absolute best Leader.  He knows everything so I never have to worry.  I just trust Him and do His work and follow what He says.  that's about it.

"... there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people, and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. ... Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

- Revelation 7:9, 16-17

it's quite amazing to be cared for.  people (friends) who are truly on your side fully.  even when your side is not necessarily right or when details are not fully revealed.  they are in your corner with teeth glaring.

i have someone who is not like this.  this person needs to find out more first, needs to consider all things.  and does not discount the fact that you might be wrong.

i have trouble trusting this friend.

Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.

- C. Archie Danielson

almost nothing gives me a high like making new friends.

especially new friends who are awesome.

/every year

oh holy night,

the stars are brightly shining

it is the night of our dear Savior's birth

long lay the world

in sin and error pining

til He appeared and the soul felt its worth

a thrill of hope

the weary world rejoices

for yonder breaks

a new and glorious morn

fall on your knees

oh hear the angel voices

oh night!  divine...

oh night..

when Christ was born

oh night!  divine...

oh night

oh night divine