Do all the good you can,

by all the means you can,

in all the ways you can,

in all the places you can,

at all the times you can,

to all the people you can,

as long as ever you can.

 

- John Wesley

 

 

singing all day:

 

restore unto me...

the joy of thy salvation

and renew a right spirit within me..

 

 

prayer:

that God will help me love those who serve Him with their best even when their best isn't the best.  that God will help me be like Paul who "put up with anything" rather than hinder the gospel of Christ.  that God will help me glorify Him by making my priority the encouragement of all the brothers and sisters who serve Him and not the success of the efforts that we embark on.  that God will help me understand that success is owned by God alone and by Him kingdoms fall and wars are won and hearts are changed.

 

i am a neurotic.  growing up, everything was always about "the best."  there was no real other option.  why would you not want "the best" always?  and this teaching has subconsciously permeated how i interact with many things.  if my projects and ideas "fail," as in, fail to achieve their intended goals, i am incredibly hard on myself.  if i see others' projects and ideas "fail," i become very critical of their efforts.  i have learned to mitigate my own self-berating by setting lower, much more easily realizable goals.  i am trying to mitigate my critical thoughts of others by remembering that God loves us not based on our ability but on who we are, and where our hearts are.  i forget that everyone is not the same - that not everyone has the same ability or gifts given to them and that that is ok.  people with no gifting in leadership may find themselves in a position to lead and then do a catastrophic job.  (or even people with no gifting in leadership may volunteer to lead and then do a catastrophic job.)  and that is ok,* because God will make what humanity has created a mess of and build Himself a glorious throne.  if i can trust God with my life, how can i not trust God with mistakes?  surely it is a limited view of God if i think power rests ultimately on us / me than on Him.

i am thankful to z and others who remind me to love people instead of results.  because Jesus did not die for our abilities to do things well.

 

 *this is not to say that we should not seek excellence in things we do for His glory, as our witness is always seen and judged by outsiders.  we should never, ever half-ass anything but should have grace when people's best doesn't match our best.

 

 

in other thoughts on this solitary day,

now that i've actually sat down and read through the whole penn state debacle, i am frankly quite appalled that anyone at all is upset by joepa's firing.  has our culture of sports idolization gone so far that our senses are not absolutely horrified and offended that a child was visibly raped and many grown adult men did nothing to stop the perpetrator and bring him to justice?  it makes me ponder on this power structure and false god of sports - both the inaction of those who knew and now the defense of those who did nothing.

i suppose this world has many small worlds where made-up power is agreed upon and catered to.  every workplace has this dynamic.  even churches and ministry structures.  humans always need things pieced out for them in order for us to understand.  this is why we have longitude and latitude lines, north, south, east and west.  we must be very careful to not be so enveloped in these worlds that we forget they are made up.  all will pass away when Jesus comes.  God is our ultimate authority.  i suppose personality-wise, i have a rather irreverent attitude towards authority in general - always have.  i understand and fall in line because i understand the necessity of authority being placed by God in order to maintain order.  once they cease to serve their purpose though, i have no desire to follow just because of the label.  

 

other thoughts i need to figure out:

people need to learn how to read the Bible.  :T  don't know what to do. :T

people need to be educated about short-term missions.

 

 

 

thoughts while walking:

 

 

you must hate sin.  you must loathe evil, pain, everything that is harmful and sad - both in yourself and in the world.  otherwise Jesus is your hero for nothing.

 

 

 

"...the Church exists for nothing else but to draw men into Christ, to make them little Christs. If they are not doing that, all the cathedrals, clergy, missions, sermons, even the Bible itself, are simply a waste of time. God became Man for no other purpose."

- C.S. Lewis

 

 

loves God.

 

/absolutely true.

 

 

i have had a pretty tough year.

 

 

 

somewhere..

over the rainbow

way up high..

and

the 

dreams that you dream of

once in a lullaby...

 

somewhere, over the rainbow

bluebirds fly...

and the dreams that you dream of

dreams really do

come true...

 

some day i wish upon a star

wake up where the clouds are far behind

mee...

where trouble melts like lemon drops

high above the chimney top that's where

you'll find me...

 

somewhere..

over the rainbow

bluebirds fly...

and

the

dreams that you dare to

oh why oh why

can't i...

i...

 

some day i wish upon a star

wake up where the clouds are far behind

mee...

where trouble melts like a lemon drops

high above the chimney top that's where

you'll find me..

 

 

 

i feel quite warm

and quite thankful

for pastor,

certain people in my life

who apparently have been / are my therapy

and i never knew

well, i guess i did know

i do know love

i do have love

i do love

so the world at this moment

and it's silly shallow things

are faded now

it's a nice feeling

 

i know i am blessed

 

 

 

hello therapy.