i must give praise to my Jesus for this year so far because of His faithfulness in delivering on His promise to me end of last year. i am sure i have posted this but it is worth repeating for context:
Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.
This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!
God used this passage to encourage me to accept being nominated to serve Agape for my 4th time. i was worried about the responsibility, worried about being burnt out again. but God said He will provide so i can give. not only that, God taught me that through my service, the ultimate goal would be reached - not that people would be served, but that praises will be brought to God. that was reason enough - i was sold.
and yet i still approached this year's service with a bit of apprehension, to be in the staff seat again, with two people i am not used to serving with. and so far - updating now 4 months in, i am blessed to say this has been the easiest time ever. our decisions are made easily, my co-staff are cooperative and hard-working, people are willing to help lead. half of our staff meetings are spent on administrative stuff, the other half so far committed to learning about prayer and praying together. we already have two upcoming awesome events for us to fellowship together and i just found out one is even more awesome than we originally thought. God reminds me often how much He loves me and i am so thankful. God is supplying me so i may supply others and all glory may go to His name!
i have been walking in faith more in the past year than i have in the recent years prior. i am also trying hard to remember what He told me last year when i was so, so critical and discontent with all the workers around me - His very strong, clear, almost rebuking message to focus on my own service to Him. i had understood it immediately but didn't change fully. so i am trying to obey and i am (hopefully) back or at least closer to the joy i have in Him and His work. even when discouraging things still happen, i shut it out. that is the Lord's business, not mine. i will just keep my eyes on Him.
"Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."
"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement ..." - Ro 15:5
God has been giving me so much encouragement lately that I feel guilty i haven't sat down to note it down. He has been bringing people into my life who are kingdom-minded and spirit-filled. I am so thankful. Two days ago I prayed and had fellowship with old and young white women from Virginia, Pennsylvania, etc who had traveled to New York to pray with the Brooklyn Tabernacle. I also was blessed to pray with passionate black women to intercede for Egypt. I met a couple who are my parents' age and my friend's pastor who were all so encouraging and eager to hear of my journey to ministry. Yesterday I met up with a sister from the Great Neck church and we shared testimonies on how the Spirit had so heavily called us towards a direction in our own respective walks. These friends are in addition to those I have already been given from participating in the India ministry including Eva and Victor and Binu. I am certain there is a purpose that God is giving me them at this time in my life. He is showing me His Church, of which I am a part of. I must know this first, so that when I am His minister full-time, I will know what I am a part of and what I serve. No matter what I shall cling onto Him and this body. It has been a bit awkward every time I separate physically from these people because I know that I am connected to them and will see them again - though in all concrete respects, there is no reason that I would. We are united in Christ no matter where in the world we are or what churches we are serving at. So fascinating. And one day we will all be together in one place, voices lifted high to our God.
My one very nagging regret is that I am unable to bring my church brothers and sisters along with me for this ride. I wish so much for them to know and experience the deep knowledge and love of Christ, to feel the Holy Spirit compel them to prayer, to receive direction from Him that is so clear and strong. I prayed for them on Tuesday, in a group with others. I asked God to ignite something.. but I don't know if He will. The emptiness in my congregation.. I wish they knew.
I feel guilty receiving such joy in Him when everyone else is still just running church. I feel like I am getting further and eventually I will be physically far as well. Those that are supporting me - I hope to share with them everything, everything as I go. But still I know, all will stay in their rote rituals, their relationships without God, all waiting for something. When will You ignite a firestorm, Lord? Will You let this go on forever? Hearts that remain far from You, all doing only what they know? It pains me.
Father, destroy the work that is not of You, that does not bring You glory. Lay hearts bare so all may see the truth of where they are in You. You love them but it has been quiet for a long time. Thank You Lord, for the work You are doing in me. Thank You for Your blessings and for Your people. One day we will be altogether and that will be a glorious day.
Finally, get to know your boss. You are a servant of Jesus Christ. Cultivate your relationship with your Master. Abide in Him. We are aware of the tragic statistics of losing God in seminary. Determine that you will do whatever it takes to make your connection with Him vital and strong.
.needed to catch my breath when i got to this part. oh Lord, please stay near me.
"We sit down, and we begin to figure the expenses of such-and-such a form of Christian service, and we think that it would be a good plan, and then another plan, and a third plan, and a fourth, and a fifth — all pieces of human wisdom. But I think if we would spend more time on our knees about God’s work, we would more often do right, and the right methods and the right men, and the right plans would come to us. Christ is the head of the Church — and who thinks so much about the Church as the head of the Church?"
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