June 11, 2007
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so as agape knows, there's been quite some tension at work lately. the drama has been inclining me towards not very glorifying actions and reactions including gossip and vengeful thoughts. it's a troubling feeling to hope for another's misfortune even if it would be supposedly well-deserved.
my first ideas on the struggle is always that it is hard to reconcile the pursuit of godliness in conjunction with the pursuit of .. career. how do you gain ground in the working world while still holding to the Christian standards you're called to? how do you live for Christ while not getting screwed over? as my thoughts progress though and emotions subside, the obvious truth that is sometimes hard to swallow becomes clearer. God is my boss (period). i only serve one Being; progressing vertically at work is barely a subset of that ultimate mission (if at all). if i seek to glorify Him and .. i lose my job (unlikely) or.. someone who is a complete jerk advances while backstabbing everyone he works with (likely).. then so be it; it is minutia in the ultimate scheme of things. i have still done my duty and ultimately, He is in control anyhow and i should yield to that. glory to the King.
i think it's an easy misunderstanding to believe that God looks more at our results than at our efforts and heart. or perhaps it's just us who looks at our results and our own goals as opposed to trusting God and seeking to accomplish His plans. emotion definitely plays a part. i want a sign, "GOD IS MY BOSS." it'd be a good reminder.
other thoughts lingering in my mind...
- i saw a site recently which questioned why God would perform so-called "miracles" on internal afflictions and yet never, ever heals amputees (by regenerating the lost body part). essentially, the site argued that prayer has no effect whatsoever and that Christianity is a delusion which calls for belief in dangerous superstitions. i think the site was possibly also linked to the controversial atheist book, "Letter to a Christian Nation." i'm thinking about the amputee question and the idea of prayer. it's a decent argument and definitely produces some doubt that i'm trying to control.
- recently with summer being here and the sun being out more, i've been appreciating the beauty of God's earth more and more. seeing sun and clouds and water especially (praise Him for shore road <3) assures me that God MUST be there and MUST be a personal, artistic, beautiful Being. if this world all came about by chance, i would think everything would be shades of brown and gray. mud and rocks. blech.
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